Lynn and I are pregnant with our third child. Several weeks ago we had quite a scare. In the midst of this time, God spoke in some powerful and unexpected ways. I wanted to share this through a couple of letters and the picture that was God's most recent confirmation.
September 3, 2008
Jenny and Ryan, Ryan, and Travis
I wanted to share this story with you as encouragement for your ministry, and to share with you how God has used you music to confirm his speaking into our lives at a very important moment.
Yesterday was one of the most difficult, but ultimately one of the most amazing days. My wife and I have been together for 13 years. We have two amazing children and we are pregnant with our third. Our story is one of redemption and restoration. The Lord has rescued us from too many poor decisions and life choices to share in this letter, if it were appropriate to do so.
Part of our story is the loss of 4 children to miscarriages. These have been particularly devastating to my wife, who still bears the scars on her heart from the pain she has endured through this loss. On Monday night, Lynn (that’s my wife) began to bleed. Unfortunate experience has taught us that this meant she was about to miscarry for a fifth time. As she came out of the bathroom, she immediately lost it to the point she could not speak. I figured out what was going on almost instantly. I began to pray over her quietly, and I confess I even began to settle into the familiar place of knowing there was nothing I could say to comfort her, or diminish the pain. She said it wasn’t fair. She said she couldn’t go through this again. I said nothing. There was nothing I to say.
The next morning we awoke, got our oldest daughter off to school and headed to the doctor’s office. I continued to pray silently that if He so chose, God could prevent this from happening. I prayed that he would spare us this. I don’t blame Him for any of our losses. Sometimes we do simply get caught by life. I know he uses all things. But I also know he is not a father that brings disaster and loss without great purpose. So, that day I decided to work it out quietly, just Him and I talking.
After Lynn saw her doctor, we left with no comfort that we had been wrong. We were sent for an ultrasound as a final check, and to ensure there was nothing that could cause additional complications. The ultrasound was scheduled for one hour later. One hour is short enough to know all you can do is wait, but plenty long enough to become emotionally exhausted. We drove home so we could leave our youngest with my mother so I could be in the room with Lynn.
On the drive home the Lord was really pressing in on me. He told me to stay hopeful and to not walk in defeat in this. I could not understand what he was telling me. We have been through this enough to know what comes next. I was conflicted over what I feared would be next and what He seemed to be telling me to do. He told me to tell Lynn to be hopeful too. This scared me so bad because the emotional consequences for being wrong about this for Lynn were very significant. I spent several minutes of that drive silently arguing with him and debating with myself.
Finally, I spoke aloud what God was saying and told Lynn that I seriously feared being wrong for doing so. I told her that until the doctor confirmed absolutely that there was no heartbeat on the ultrasound, we should not walk in defeat but be hopeful and stand in faith. These came out as empty words because I did not feel ready or able to walk them out. There was a long moment of silence. Lynn looked down at her feet and said nothing. I think she was trying very hard to believe me and to trust God.
Right then, your song Hope Now started playing on the radio. It was without question God’s timing. The volume seemed to increase as the chorus began. We looked at each other listening to the words and completely lost it while we drove. Your words captured perfectly what we felt. Everything rides on hope now. Everything rides on faith somehow. I know in the depths of my heart that the Lord used this to confirm what he was speaking to us. I know wholeheartedly that he was calling us to have this courage in Him.
At that moment, I felt a huge lift in my spirit. I believe in that moment he gave me a gift of faith to stand in wholehearted belief that things were going to work out just fine. My sadness was replaced with a very strange anxiousness to see His work unfold before us. It was a deep hope, and it was unconditional, undivided and completely without fear.
We made it back to the hospital and went up to the waiting room. While there for a short time, Lynn looked down and saw an article heading that read “Miscarriages: Reasons not to lose hope.” This was a second confirmation. We entered the ultrasound room and waited patiently for the tech to prep Lynn. While this took place, the thought hit me: “What if they don’t find a heartbeat? What then?” I pondered this for a short moment and immediately the Lord stirred up that faith again and I found myself ready to tell the tech to keep looking until she found it. Somehow I knew in that kind of way that people simply can’t “know” that our baby was fine, that the heartbeat was there, and that in 10 months we would see her (I even know it’s a “her.”)
Lynn is 6 weeks pregnant. Finding a heartbeat can be a little tricky and most of the time they would have to do the ultrasound internally to find it. As the tech passed the wand across Lynn’s stomach, she located the yoke sac and INSTANTLY we saw the tiny flash of valves opening and closing. I laughed out loud and Lynn began to cry. He is so good and so faithful.
Since then Addison Road has been on my mind a lot. I didn’t know much about you all yesterday. Since then I have visited your website, checked out a couple of podcasts, and listened to more of your music. I see that you were recently in our neck of the woods, in Austin. We live in Round Rock. I guess the very best of Christian Music comes from Texas!
All that aside, I want to say thank you for your talent and ministry. I pray provision, blessing and protection over each of you as you grow in the Lord and follow Him down the path he has prepared for you. I think I have seen just enough of you to see hearts that genuinely love and chase after Him. I pray he will fan that flame and continue to draw you near to Him.
Blessings in Christ,
Mike, Lynn, Taylan, Mackenzie and (coming soon,) Hope Erwin
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This is the response we received from Jenny Simmons. They have made their announcement public now, so I can share this.
Hey Michael,
This is Jenny Simmons from the band Addison Road. My husband Ryan forwarded me your message this morning and it left me in tears. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us; it makes our ministry worthwhile.
How faithful God is. Wow. I mean what an incredible story of struggle and faith and God being so real and faithful in the midst of pain.
I am 8 weeks pregnant with our first child and I cannot imagine what it would be like to miscarriage. I have dreamed about, longed for, and prayed for this little baby for so long. I know miscarriage is a possibility and it is a fear that lives inside of me, inside of all women; having my dreams crushed 4 times would be unbearable. Your wife is strong and I admire her choice to hope along with you and to persevere against improbable odds. She is courageous and God's strength truly is perfect when our strength is gone.
Anyways, thank you for sharing this beautiful, honest, compelling story. You put into the words the struggle husbands all around the world face when their wives are hurting and you worded the struggle of your faith so eloquently. Your words connect with husbands, wives who have struggled down this road, and the rest of us who wonder what happen if we chose to hope and then get let down. I think this story would really, really encourage and bless people and I would love to share it with others.
I have a blog with over 1,000 readers a week from all over the country (and world). Sometimes I have guest bloggers and I would love to use your letter as a guest blog. I could do it anonymously and take out your names or I could use your family's picture and allow it to be more personal. Pray about it and see if it is something you and your wife would be willing to share with others because I think it is so very powerful and such a beautiful testament to God's faithfulness in the midst of our fallen and often painful world. Everyone needs a message of hope and this is a priceless one.
I am amazed how God uses the vulnerability and honesty of the blog to touch so many people. There are people that need to hear your story and would be so greatly encouraged by it. You can look the blog over and let me know what you think at anytime. The site is jennysimmons.blogspot.com
If you chose to keep your story private, I totally understand and I am just grateful to know how God has been so faithful in your lives. We are honored to have played a part of that and to be a part of your faith journey. What a beautiful thing.
Please tell your wife I will pray for your baby, Hope, each day that I pray for my new baby too.
Much Love and Hope...
jenny simmons
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Since this all took place, we have had several other things come up here and there to cause us fear and to doubt; to steal our joy and peace. In each of these circumstances, there has been a deep and strong faith that God spoke and that nothing presented before us could change our minds that we were protected.
We had a doctor's appointment yesterday for an ultrasound. This was to ensure things are progressing normally and to "determine" the sex of our baby. Lynn and I have been going back and forth with each other about this so when she left I made a comment on the order of not needing an ultrasound to tell me we are having a girl.
Through the entire ultrasound, the tech kept referring to "him." Lynn finally commented "you mean her." The tech looked at her strangely and checked. It's a girl. The tech asked how Lynn knew it was a girl. Lynn shared our story with the tech, who then shared how her day had been full of miracle stories.
So I am sharing this now to encourage everyone to turn an open ear to the Lord our God. He does speak, and in creative ways that he knows we will hear. When he does, LISTEN! I promise you will be blessed for it.
Blessings to everyone, in our Lord Jesus Christ!
The Erwin 5
