The Lord has been speaking to me a lot on the issue of forgiveness. He has spoken in many ways, through many mediums and circumstances, and through testimonies of some close to me. In the last couple of days He has revealed some very interesting and convicting things about why we are to ask for forgiveness.
These “discussions” were a product of what I now believe to be an urge the Lord placed in my heart to do everything in my power to reconcile some things in my past where I knowingly wronged someone. I have felt a compulsion to find these people to apologize and ask for their forgiveness.

The idea of tracking people down to apologize for things that happened, in some cases over 15 years ago seemed crazy. In fact, it seemed to boarder on stalking. I have spent some time evaluating my motives for all of this. Maybe I am just entering a natural point in my life where a person looks back on their life and considers what the up-to-now story looks like. I think they call this “middle-age.” Maybe this is just a misguided attempt to balance the scale a little more in my favor since I came to the Lord so late in life. I even considered that there might be some hidden motives of an unsavory nature that was tempting me to go places that would later threaten my marriage and the growth that Lynn and I are experiencing. I considered every angle. As I prayed through this and asked the Lord for wisdom and His guidance through this He began to speak on the issue of asking for forgiveness and who it actually benefits. I wish to share what He is showing me.



When Lynn and I decided it was way past time to seek and offer forgiveness to each other for anything in our past that created a wall between us, honestly I expected that this would be the sum of the “seeking to right the wrongs” that I would be called to do, at least as it pertains to my past. I know I am called to seek forgiveness and restoration for those offenses I am responsible for going forward. But am I not delivered from my past? Have I not been squared with God by the blood of Jesus who covers all of that and has promised I am free from those things? If all of that is true, and I believe it is, then why would I need to find people to give account to them for what I have done?

The Lord began to give me insight into how people deal with wounds, especially emotional scars inflicted by people we love in various ways. The picture He gave me was of a young girl clutching an arrow protruding from her chest. There was deep anguish on her face and the pain seemed to steal her breath and life from her. I got the impression that this was a very old wound that this girl had somehow carried for many years. It was as if I knew she was much older than she looked; that somehow the wound from that arrow had frozen her in that instant. She had continued in her life, clutching that arrow every day and experiencing the pain as if new every time something touched it or brushed up against it. Her face bore the youth she possessed on the day she received the wound. But her eyes had aged by many decades and were now dim, darkened by pain, and revealed an extremely weary soul beneath.


I thought long on this picture. The Lord continued to reveal the significance of this picture to me. The arrow was betrayal, and it had hit her in the heart. The heart is where we all are wounded by betrayal. And like a perfect marksman, betrayal ALWAYS hits it mark. When this wound was inflicted, the young girl did the only thing she could to try and protect her heart after it was hit. She clutched the thing that injured it.

As I realized this significance, I asked why God had not healed her. Certainly he had the power. Certainly he desired to heal her heart. This is what God does. This is His desire! So why had He left this young girl wounded for so many years? His answer deeply shook me. He revealed to me that this young girl thought she was protecting her heart. She was not aware that instead of protecting it, she was holding on to the object that wounded her and that her grasp on this arrow was so tight that God could not remove this without causing even deeper injury. He showed me the worst way to remove an arrow is to simply grab it and rip it out. Arrows must be removed delicately and with great precision. This simply can’t be done while the wounded person refuses to let go.

Ok. So I understand what all that means now. At that moment I was almost scared to ask how that related to asking forgiveness. I think because I knew what was coming. Before the answer, the Lord gave me more revelation around this young girl. He revealed that I was the person that caused this injury. He put many faces on this young girl. In a weird sort of God-way, some of them were men I have wronged. He showed me the faces of my wife and daughters on this young girl. He somehow intertwined all these faces in a way that I was broken over the thought of my daughters living out their lives clutching this arrow, and the knowledge that I have been responsible for wounding others in this same way.

Finally, the Lord showed me the power of seeking forgiveness. He revealed to me that it was not my job to remove the arrow of offense; only he could do that. But it was my job to accept responsibility for placing it there. It was my responsibility to genuinely demonstrate that understood my wrong doing and to genuinely ask for forgiveness. In my obedience to ask for forgiveness to those I have wounded they were brought immediately to a decision to let go of this arrow of offense.

Asking forgiveness was not for my benefit! God HAS forgiven me all these things. Asking these people for their forgiveness was beneficial to THIER healing, not mine. But I was no less responsible to do my part in this process simply because without my actions they would not carry this wound in the first place.
Asking forgiveness for the wrongs we have done to others in our past is the only truly selfless thing we can offer those who we have injured. It will benefit us nothing aside from obedience to God’s command. We will not gain anything we did not have before and we cannot expect anything from it. All we can do is try to reach out to those we have injured and ask them to take our hand in friendship. If they will, they can finally let go of the harm we have caused and allow God to heal them from the inside out.


So I busy myself praying for a list of people who I have harmed over the years. I try not to think about who He might bring to mind that I must seek out next. But if He does bring anyone to mind, I will do my best to find them, genuinely apologize to them for whatever I have done, ask them to forgive me, and pray for them. I expect nothing in return and I will not likely ever speak to or see them ever again. But reconciliation is not always about those things, I have learned.