Big or Little?

This just might be the one that comes back around to me. I hope I'm wrong. But I would be willing to bet this one costs me personally. I am not sure where this discussion belongs so I am writing it out. Names have been changed or omitted to protect the offended.

I belong to this family. I truly love them. They are such an important part of my life. In fact, they were used to literally save my life at one point. So to say things that even appear hostile toward any of them hurts my heart. I guess all families experience this kind of stress. There is nothing particularly special about that.

But let me ask you this. Let's say that you discovered you had a brother that you never knew about. Let's say that they came into your life unexpectedly as a mature person, an adult. Now let's say you had a chance to spend the weekend with them, getting to know them, seeing their heart and sharing some great moments and connections with them. You got to see the impact they were having on the lives of others and it inspired you. At the end of this time together you learned an entire other side of your family that you did not know existed before and you were truly blessed because of it. You were able to see how growing up in different circumstances had produced completely different skills, gifts, talents and experiences than you grew up with. You saw the world differently, but inside you beat the same heart, driven by the same desires and motivations, and wanting the same things in each of your lives and the lives of others. Let's say that what you learned was that in spite of your differences, (things like the way you speak, the clothes you wear, the people you've met and the places where you work) you were more the same than your were different. And the desires of your hearts were identical.

Let's say for a moment all that is true. How would you feel to watch your other family, the one you have known and grown up with, to treat this new brother with hostility and contempt simply because they were not enough alike to REALLY be considered family? How would you feel to watch this brother be rejected with harsh disdain by certain members of the family who appeared to be more jealous than discerning? Further, how would you feel to see members of your close family also subjected to hostility simply for embracing them?

Tell me. How would that make you feel? Mad. Hurt. Confused. Disappointed. Disillusioned. How about torn? How do you chose between family? How does one make the decision whom they will love and whom they will continue in relationship with when someone demands a choice? What do you do when others in the family see this behavior and simply sit on the sidelines so as not to get involved out of fear of offending anyone, offering no correction or support or very little leadership to help resolve these differences; to STAY a family.

That is pretty close to what I have seen recently. I have not personally been the recipient of this treatment. But I have watched it happen to others I love who are my family. They are my brothers and sisters in Christ. And I have watched other brothers and sisters in Christ behave in very unloving ways toward those whom they very recently trusted and respected. And all it took was a single act of departure from "the norm;" a single experience that people do not understand, and do not desire to understand. That's not how a family behaves. That's not even how most casual friends behave. That's sounds more like how enemies behave; looking for any reason to be offended.

The fact is, family, we are not the standard for unconditional love that we think we are. We are peddlers of magnanimous ideals. We have become God's Realtors. We have slipped into selling a better address to people rather than demonstrating the abundant living we speak so loudly about. How are we to compel a lost world to come and see what we have if we are unable to show the most basic Christ-like attributes toward each other?

Matthew 5:46-48
"46 For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? 47 And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? 48 You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect."

Wow. What does it say about us that we can't even do what Jesus describes as easy.


So what about these two families? The Elephant in the room is the contention that the one is attempting to steal members of the other; the fear that "they" have something "we" don't and seeing the evidence that it just might be true. And the unworthy and shallow efforts to try and manufacture evidence to the contrary so that we can shore up in our heads confidence in our own abilities.

Let me really cut to the core of this by showing a very powerful picture. This is not the total summation of these two families. But it is certainly an interesting picture of them. The one family has been central to my life for nearly a decade. In this family we have a mission to point every Christ-follower to be in contact with a needy world that needs the love and touch of Jesus Christ. This is done through service, ministry, and evangelism. How are we doing?

Jesus tells us in Matthew 6:21 that where our treasure is there our heart will be also. So, we can look to our stewardship of our finances to gain some degree of insight into where our hearts are.

Leadership, 42%
Facilities, 22%
Building Payment, 19%
Missions, 8%
Ministries, 5%
Administration, 4%

That's 83% of an annual budget to cover paid staff and buildings! And 13% to lines that reflect connecting with a needy world through service, ministry and evangelism.

Let me at least be fair here. Once a person comes to this place, they will in fact receive wonderful ministry. But does our budget not reflect the assumption that you must first come to us to receive it? And what of those who won't? How are we to reach them?

Let me move on. I have recently met another expression of the body. This is the rejected brother from my analogy above. I would be very irresponsible (or worse) to not offer their stewardship of finances as a comparison.

"Ministries" (Financial Assistance in the form of Scholarships awarded), 59.85%
***Scholarships come from people voluntarily giving in support. Thus scholarships are listed as income. Nearly 60% of expenses are covered by people who see no benefit to themselves personally in return. The remaining 40 of expenses are covered out of pocket by a small foundation comprised of the founders and their immediate families.

Facilities (Conference Hosting), 37.83%
Misc - office supplies, marketing, etc 28.7%
Leadership,(all payroll) 23.29%
Administration, 9%
Office Rent, 3.2%
(Taken from the Annual report.)

This other expression are the fingertips of God's earthly hands. They are going to where people are and meeting them exactly where they are at in all areas of their lives. They are being the very definition of unconditional love for all people.

Their stated mission is
Our philosophy is quite simple:

To meet people where they are, no matter what, and help them discover answers within themselves.

This expression of the body is run completely by Christian men and women in good standing with bible teaching Churches in the Austin area.

So you tell me. Based on the picture given by the finances, who is being more evangelical? Who is reaching out more? Who is serving and ministering to the needy world that needs the loving touch of Jesus Christ?

So why are they rejected? Why are they labeled awful things like "cult." Why are some of the men and women I have served alongside over the last 10 years attributing the power and work of the Holy Spirit through this "new brother" to the kingdom of Darkness? (And what does the scripture have to say about that in Mark chapter 3?)

Listen, I know I am only giving a small glimpse into the inner workings of these two expressions. I know this is not the whole picture. And I am in NO way calling into question the faithfulness of my long running church family. I am simply asking why it is that we are so quick to dismiss things that are uncomfortable to us as evil because they don't fit our mold of "doing Church." When did we trade in the big "C" of living obediently as only one expression of the body of Christ, for the little "c" of defending our church traditions? When did that happen? or has it always been this way and I just have not seen it...

Here it is family. We say we want things to be different. Have we considered that might require us doing things differently? Where is the wisdom is rejecting the things we do not understand without demonstrating the minimal integrity of educating ourselves before we do so. Especially when so many of our ranks testify to the power and presence of God we have seen.

Is that beam in our eye not getting heavy enough?

The Lord has been speaking to me a lot on the issue of forgiveness. He has spoken in many ways, through many mediums and circumstances, and through testimonies of some close to me. In the last couple of days He has revealed some very interesting and convicting things about why we are to ask for forgiveness.
These “discussions” were a product of what I now believe to be an urge the Lord placed in my heart to do everything in my power to reconcile some things in my past where I knowingly wronged someone. I have felt a compulsion to find these people to apologize and ask for their forgiveness.

The idea of tracking people down to apologize for things that happened, in some cases over 15 years ago seemed crazy. In fact, it seemed to boarder on stalking. I have spent some time evaluating my motives for all of this. Maybe I am just entering a natural point in my life where a person looks back on their life and considers what the up-to-now story looks like. I think they call this “middle-age.” Maybe this is just a misguided attempt to balance the scale a little more in my favor since I came to the Lord so late in life. I even considered that there might be some hidden motives of an unsavory nature that was tempting me to go places that would later threaten my marriage and the growth that Lynn and I are experiencing. I considered every angle. As I prayed through this and asked the Lord for wisdom and His guidance through this He began to speak on the issue of asking for forgiveness and who it actually benefits. I wish to share what He is showing me.



When Lynn and I decided it was way past time to seek and offer forgiveness to each other for anything in our past that created a wall between us, honestly I expected that this would be the sum of the “seeking to right the wrongs” that I would be called to do, at least as it pertains to my past. I know I am called to seek forgiveness and restoration for those offenses I am responsible for going forward. But am I not delivered from my past? Have I not been squared with God by the blood of Jesus who covers all of that and has promised I am free from those things? If all of that is true, and I believe it is, then why would I need to find people to give account to them for what I have done?

The Lord began to give me insight into how people deal with wounds, especially emotional scars inflicted by people we love in various ways. The picture He gave me was of a young girl clutching an arrow protruding from her chest. There was deep anguish on her face and the pain seemed to steal her breath and life from her. I got the impression that this was a very old wound that this girl had somehow carried for many years. It was as if I knew she was much older than she looked; that somehow the wound from that arrow had frozen her in that instant. She had continued in her life, clutching that arrow every day and experiencing the pain as if new every time something touched it or brushed up against it. Her face bore the youth she possessed on the day she received the wound. But her eyes had aged by many decades and were now dim, darkened by pain, and revealed an extremely weary soul beneath.


I thought long on this picture. The Lord continued to reveal the significance of this picture to me. The arrow was betrayal, and it had hit her in the heart. The heart is where we all are wounded by betrayal. And like a perfect marksman, betrayal ALWAYS hits it mark. When this wound was inflicted, the young girl did the only thing she could to try and protect her heart after it was hit. She clutched the thing that injured it.

As I realized this significance, I asked why God had not healed her. Certainly he had the power. Certainly he desired to heal her heart. This is what God does. This is His desire! So why had He left this young girl wounded for so many years? His answer deeply shook me. He revealed to me that this young girl thought she was protecting her heart. She was not aware that instead of protecting it, she was holding on to the object that wounded her and that her grasp on this arrow was so tight that God could not remove this without causing even deeper injury. He showed me the worst way to remove an arrow is to simply grab it and rip it out. Arrows must be removed delicately and with great precision. This simply can’t be done while the wounded person refuses to let go.

Ok. So I understand what all that means now. At that moment I was almost scared to ask how that related to asking forgiveness. I think because I knew what was coming. Before the answer, the Lord gave me more revelation around this young girl. He revealed that I was the person that caused this injury. He put many faces on this young girl. In a weird sort of God-way, some of them were men I have wronged. He showed me the faces of my wife and daughters on this young girl. He somehow intertwined all these faces in a way that I was broken over the thought of my daughters living out their lives clutching this arrow, and the knowledge that I have been responsible for wounding others in this same way.

Finally, the Lord showed me the power of seeking forgiveness. He revealed to me that it was not my job to remove the arrow of offense; only he could do that. But it was my job to accept responsibility for placing it there. It was my responsibility to genuinely demonstrate that understood my wrong doing and to genuinely ask for forgiveness. In my obedience to ask for forgiveness to those I have wounded they were brought immediately to a decision to let go of this arrow of offense.

Asking forgiveness was not for my benefit! God HAS forgiven me all these things. Asking these people for their forgiveness was beneficial to THIER healing, not mine. But I was no less responsible to do my part in this process simply because without my actions they would not carry this wound in the first place.
Asking forgiveness for the wrongs we have done to others in our past is the only truly selfless thing we can offer those who we have injured. It will benefit us nothing aside from obedience to God’s command. We will not gain anything we did not have before and we cannot expect anything from it. All we can do is try to reach out to those we have injured and ask them to take our hand in friendship. If they will, they can finally let go of the harm we have caused and allow God to heal them from the inside out.


So I busy myself praying for a list of people who I have harmed over the years. I try not to think about who He might bring to mind that I must seek out next. But if He does bring anyone to mind, I will do my best to find them, genuinely apologize to them for whatever I have done, ask them to forgive me, and pray for them. I expect nothing in return and I will not likely ever speak to or see them ever again. But reconciliation is not always about those things, I have learned.

When God speaks, listen.

Lynn and I are pregnant with our third child. Several weeks ago we had quite a scare. In the midst of this time, God spoke in some powerful and unexpected ways. I wanted to share this through a couple of letters and the picture that was God's most recent confirmation.

September 3, 2008
Jenny and Ryan, Ryan, and Travis

I wanted to share this story with you as encouragement for your ministry, and to share with you how God has used you music to confirm his speaking into our lives at a very important moment.

Yesterday was one of the most difficult, but ultimately one of the most amazing days. My wife and I have been together for 13 years. We have two amazing children and we are pregnant with our third. Our story is one of redemption and restoration. The Lord has rescued us from too many poor decisions and life choices to share in this letter, if it were appropriate to do so.

Part of our story is the loss of 4 children to miscarriages. These have been particularly devastating to my wife, who still bears the scars on her heart from the pain she has endured through this loss. On Monday night, Lynn (that’s my wife) began to bleed. Unfortunate experience has taught us that this meant she was about to miscarry for a fifth time. As she came out of the bathroom, she immediately lost it to the point she could not speak. I figured out what was going on almost instantly. I began to pray over her quietly, and I confess I even began to settle into the familiar place of knowing there was nothing I could say to comfort her, or diminish the pain. She said it wasn’t fair. She said she couldn’t go through this again. I said nothing. There was nothing I to say.

The next morning we awoke, got our oldest daughter off to school and headed to the doctor’s office. I continued to pray silently that if He so chose, God could prevent this from happening. I prayed that he would spare us this. I don’t blame Him for any of our losses. Sometimes we do simply get caught by life. I know he uses all things. But I also know he is not a father that brings disaster and loss without great purpose. So, that day I decided to work it out quietly, just Him and I talking.

After Lynn saw her doctor, we left with no comfort that we had been wrong. We were sent for an ultrasound as a final check, and to ensure there was nothing that could cause additional complications. The ultrasound was scheduled for one hour later. One hour is short enough to know all you can do is wait, but plenty long enough to become emotionally exhausted. We drove home so we could leave our youngest with my mother so I could be in the room with Lynn.

On the drive home the Lord was really pressing in on me. He told me to stay hopeful and to not walk in defeat in this. I could not understand what he was telling me. We have been through this enough to know what comes next. I was conflicted over what I feared would be next and what He seemed to be telling me to do. He told me to tell Lynn to be hopeful too. This scared me so bad because the emotional consequences for being wrong about this for Lynn were very significant. I spent several minutes of that drive silently arguing with him and debating with myself.
Finally, I spoke aloud what God was saying and told Lynn that I seriously feared being wrong for doing so. I told her that until the doctor confirmed absolutely that there was no heartbeat on the ultrasound, we should not walk in defeat but be hopeful and stand in faith. These came out as empty words because I did not feel ready or able to walk them out. There was a long moment of silence. Lynn looked down at her feet and said nothing. I think she was trying very hard to believe me and to trust God.

Right then, your song Hope Now started playing on the radio. It was without question God’s timing. The volume seemed to increase as the chorus began. We looked at each other listening to the words and completely lost it while we drove. Your words captured perfectly what we felt. Everything rides on hope now. Everything rides on faith somehow. I know in the depths of my heart that the Lord used this to confirm what he was speaking to us. I know wholeheartedly that he was calling us to have this courage in Him.

At that moment, I felt a huge lift in my spirit. I believe in that moment he gave me a gift of faith to stand in wholehearted belief that things were going to work out just fine. My sadness was replaced with a very strange anxiousness to see His work unfold before us. It was a deep hope, and it was unconditional, undivided and completely without fear.

We made it back to the hospital and went up to the waiting room. While there for a short time, Lynn looked down and saw an article heading that read “Miscarriages: Reasons not to lose hope.” This was a second confirmation. We entered the ultrasound room and waited patiently for the tech to prep Lynn. While this took place, the thought hit me: “What if they don’t find a heartbeat? What then?” I pondered this for a short moment and immediately the Lord stirred up that faith again and I found myself ready to tell the tech to keep looking until she found it. Somehow I knew in that kind of way that people simply can’t “know” that our baby was fine, that the heartbeat was there, and that in 10 months we would see her (I even know it’s a “her.”)

Lynn is 6 weeks pregnant. Finding a heartbeat can be a little tricky and most of the time they would have to do the ultrasound internally to find it. As the tech passed the wand across Lynn’s stomach, she located the yoke sac and INSTANTLY we saw the tiny flash of valves opening and closing. I laughed out loud and Lynn began to cry. He is so good and so faithful.

Since then Addison Road has been on my mind a lot. I didn’t know much about you all yesterday. Since then I have visited your website, checked out a couple of podcasts, and listened to more of your music. I see that you were recently in our neck of the woods, in Austin. We live in Round Rock. I guess the very best of Christian Music comes from Texas!

All that aside, I want to say thank you for your talent and ministry. I pray provision, blessing and protection over each of you as you grow in the Lord and follow Him down the path he has prepared for you. I think I have seen just enough of you to see hearts that genuinely love and chase after Him. I pray he will fan that flame and continue to draw you near to Him.


Blessings in Christ,

Mike, Lynn, Taylan, Mackenzie and (coming soon,) Hope Erwin

*************************************************************************************

This is the response we received from Jenny Simmons. They have made their announcement public now, so I can share this.







Hey Michael,

This is Jenny Simmons from the band Addison Road. My husband Ryan forwarded me your message this morning and it left me in tears. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us; it makes our ministry worthwhile.

How faithful God is. Wow. I mean what an incredible story of struggle and faith and God being so real and faithful in the midst of pain.

I am 8 weeks pregnant with our first child and I cannot imagine what it would be like to miscarriage. I have dreamed about, longed for, and prayed for this little baby for so long. I know miscarriage is a possibility and it is a fear that lives inside of me, inside of all women; having my dreams crushed 4 times would be unbearable. Your wife is strong and I admire her choice to hope along with you and to persevere against improbable odds. She is courageous and God's strength truly is perfect when our strength is gone.

Anyways, thank you for sharing this beautiful, honest, compelling story. You put into the words the struggle husbands all around the world face when their wives are hurting and you worded the struggle of your faith so eloquently. Your words connect with husbands, wives who have struggled down this road, and the rest of us who wonder what happen if we chose to hope and then get let down. I think this story would really, really encourage and bless people and I would love to share it with others.

I have a blog with over 1,000 readers a week from all over the country (and world). Sometimes I have guest bloggers and I would love to use your letter as a guest blog. I could do it anonymously and take out your names or I could use your family's picture and allow it to be more personal. Pray about it and see if it is something you and your wife would be willing to share with others because I think it is so very powerful and such a beautiful testament to God's faithfulness in the midst of our fallen and often painful world. Everyone needs a message of hope and this is a priceless one.

I am amazed how God uses the vulnerability and honesty of the blog to touch so many people. There are people that need to hear your story and would be so greatly encouraged by it. You can look the blog over and let me know what you think at anytime. The site is jennysimmons.blogspot.com

If you chose to keep your story private, I totally understand and I am just grateful to know how God has been so faithful in your lives. We are honored to have played a part of that and to be a part of your faith journey. What a beautiful thing.

Please tell your wife I will pray for your baby, Hope, each day that I pray for my new baby too.

Much Love and Hope...
jenny simmons

*************************************************************************************

Since this all took place, we have had several other things come up here and there to cause us fear and to doubt; to steal our joy and peace. In each of these circumstances, there has been a deep and strong faith that God spoke and that nothing presented before us could change our minds that we were protected.

We had a doctor's appointment yesterday for an ultrasound. This was to ensure things are progressing normally and to "determine" the sex of our baby. Lynn and I have been going back and forth with each other about this so when she left I made a comment on the order of not needing an ultrasound to tell me we are having a girl.

Through the entire ultrasound, the tech kept referring to "him." Lynn finally commented "you mean her." The tech looked at her strangely and checked. It's a girl. The tech asked how Lynn knew it was a girl. Lynn shared our story with the tech, who then shared how her day had been full of miracle stories.

So I am sharing this now to encourage everyone to turn an open ear to the Lord our God. He does speak, and in creative ways that he knows we will hear. When he does, LISTEN! I promise you will be blessed for it.

Blessings to everyone, in our Lord Jesus Christ!

The Erwin 5

D-Day + 18

Recently I posted some of the things that God is doing in our lives, and how some of the situations at home are being impacted by those things. That post generated a good bit of discussion among some friends of mine, and a few comments, emails, and things of that nature. Undoubtedly, there were some raised eye-brows along the way. I wanted to take a moment to follow up on this and drop a bit of an update on how things are unfolding.

When I originally posted The Battle at Hand I had an outline to keep my thoughts as concise as possible. So much had happened, and so many things were affecting or being affected that it was like trying to unravel a bowl of spaghetti to get to the beginning. This led to my intention of posting 2 to 3 more parts of this story effectively creating a bit of a series on spiritual warfare. I have scrapped this idea. The main reason is that spiritual warfare is a deeply personal affair. I might be able to fill a book on how God is working and revealing and battling for our lives but to read it from the outside would not have the same impact. In fact, it probably would not make sense. So, I must leave the majority of what God is doing in our lives in His hands to reveal in your life in a personal way that counters, illuminates and protects against the attacks from the enemy that will show up in deeply personal ways.

Our day to day life has certainly been impacted by all of this. The small foxes that come to steal our intimacy and joy are around us all the time. It’s easy to let frustration, offense and a loose tongue get the best of us. We have seen a rise in those more subtle daily attacks that require constant capturing of thought and adjustment of the habitual responses we’ve relied on for years. The frontal barrage has been replaced by those side attacks at the perfect moment to just slip up a little. It’s funny that we think a little slip up means nothing. I imagine a guy walking up an icy hill that slips a little often enough will find himself further away from his objective than when he began. It is very unpleasant to unlearn the “standard response” to these daily life challenges.

Our recent message in Church had an element that really stuck out to me. Our pastor mentioned that it is so easy to see the areas in our lives that do not line up with scripture. That is so right. There are so many things in my own walk that I know need to change. There is so much left that Jesus is asking of me that I am not giving him. And the enemy uses this to discourage, accuse and steal the joy that we should experience in the areas that he is working on right now. I can see too that he will use this list of things that are not right to keep us focused on all of those other things when the Lord is saying “Forget about all of that for right now. I want to work on just these things right now.”

The temperature of our home is warmer because we have all taken a huge step forward, as a family toward to Lord. It has its cold moments when we lash out at each other. It is such a hard thing to put into words. Our lives have become calmer and more centered, even a bit more quiet though there are more “things” around us right now to distract us.

In the midst of this, I have been called to more areas of sharing in a more formal setting. There is a deep humility and transparency in these callings than I have ever felt before. It is so much easier to get out of the way. The words just come.

Lord, thank you for all that you do. Thank you that you are patient and careful in your dealings with us. Father, continue to refine each of us. Protect us from the old habits that we return to without thought. Continue to show us how careless we can be in dealing with each other. Father, continue to conform our hearts to yours. Continue to shape our lives and order our steps that we may walk closer to you. I pray father that we will very soon live our lives in obedience to your word and your desire as a natural expression of what is inside; that is my prayer today. Continue to break these jars of clay that your light may shine forth.

The Battle at Hand

Alert and Oriented Times Zero
It never ceases to amaze me how the Lord works. His ability to take us into new areas of spiritual and personal growth, and into a deeper relationship, understanding and reliance on him is vast beyond comprehension. The Lord has been at work in our lives in powerful ways recently. Having arrived at a point of awareness and clarity in this season, we can now see that this started nearly two months ago.

Several weeks ago, I was engaged in a week long time of fasting, prayer and worship for the purpose of drawing close to the Lord and hearing Him. Specifically, there is a strong movement toward intentional discipleship on a level never seen at this Church body. We are being challenged in many new areas and taking careful inventory of issues on a personal level and on a church-wide level to make certain that when He is ready to move we are willing and able to follow where he leads. Part of this preparation involves the coming together corporately to seek his face. On this particular week, I found myself completely alone; in the desert in a sense. The usual suspects, those that are always there, found themselves suddenly sick, busy, out of town, or in some way unable to participate. Very quickly, the Lord revealed that "alone" was where he wanted me. The purpose of this "isolation" was made clear. He was asking me, “Why do you do what you do. Is it for me, or is it to ‘feel’ good about where you are spiritually.” He revealed to me that I was very quickly slipping into spiritual Idolatry. The things of my faith were becoming the focus. And it was pulling me further away from the target they were meant to point toward, which is complete focus on Jesus.

The next week we received devastating news. Our daughter has slipped into a very dark thought pattern and depression. It was revealed, through the courageous actions of three of her friends from school, that she is hurting herself and her words are becoming increasingly dark. They were worried. I believe it was the Lord’s hand that gave these very young girls the courage and words to set aside their fear and come forward to bring into the light the darkness that has crept into our daughter’s life. We were aware that T is dealing with some problems, but we had no idea how far this has gone until we received a call from a very concerned School counselor.

On that day, our world toppled. Over the next few days we experienced the full spectrum of emotions from denial to ultimate acceptance. But there was a deep sense of hope through that entire time. That Sunday, my wife and I went to the side wall of the church where we participate in the alter prayer ministry during our church services. No one approached us for prayer that day. Instead, we fell apart right there. People surrounded us. We were ministered to. We found ourselves completely broken before the Lord and finally ready to deal with the situation as He wanted us to, whatever that meant. During this time strongholds in our marriage were revealed. We were made aware of things that are preventing us from standing along-side each other. Our family is weak in certain places.

“Coincidentally” the same week, I started a group book study with some brothers. We began to read through the book “Waking the Dead” by John Eldridge. In the first chapters he speaks of this great battle that we've become blind to. In his words, we have become “oriented and alert times zero.” As I told my wife about this book, she took it and read the entire thing in two days. What she read spoke to her in a powerful way.

Also “coincidentally,” the wife of our prior ABF teacher dropped off a daily devotional that she “had for some time but never had the chance to give her.” When Lynn opened the book and read the devotional for that day, it spoke of the VERY issues that we were dealing with and made the very same points that spoke so loudly to her from “Waking the Dead.” All around us people were being moved into place to provide the very things we needed to walk through this. We very much felt and were aware of the Lord moving as if playing a game of Chess. This time we were the ones in need of support and ministry.

That Sunday our paster invited our church body to participate in “10 Days to Pentecost.” Mark, under the prompting of the spirit called the church to 10 days of intensive prayer, daily worship and at least one day of fasting for the purpose of drawing near to the Lord on a church-wide level. As Lynn and I prayed in preparation leading up to May 1st the Lord placed heavy on my heart that I needed to focus on my home. It should have been obvious, and I think would have been for anyone else in our situation. But I am not so quick to see the obvious. I was immediately reminded of my “week in the desert” and I began asking myself the same questions. The Lord spoke to me as he guided my thoughts and revealed that I am blessed to be a part of really fantastic things that are going on within our Church body. But my participation in these things is for nothing if the defenses of my home is weak. He instructed me to withdraw from the crowd during this time and build up the walls around my house. This included the community online forums that we have and which I thoroughly enjoy. I felt I needed to limit my involvement to those light hearted posts only and I felt specific instruction to refrain from posting anything about what he was showing me during this time. This is not at all my character. I love to share what the Lord is doing.

Waking Up at War:
As the week progressed toward May 1st, a concept kept coming to mind: Spiritual Warfare. I am familiar with what we mean when we say this, or so I thought. But I have never been open to speaking of physical manifestations of the spiritual realm. This certainly includes the idea of Angels and Demons doing battle over us. It sounds way to mythical. It sounds like a bad Hollywood production. I would rather spend my time on the more real aspects of our walk with Jesus leaving whatever battling of Ghosts that needs to be done to those that care to involve themselves with that nonsense.

These thoughts continued through the week despite the nagging draw to learn more about what the scripture says of Spiritual Warfare. As I continued to read more and more verses came to me through a myriad of sources. And it was the same for Lynn. I began to see the stories presented to us in scripture, those we are so familiar with in a different light; in a truer light.
• Adam and Eve being tempted in the garden (Gen. 3)
• Satan’s use of fallen Angels to defile the seed of woman to breed the Nephilim (Gen. 6)
• The accounts of Satan’s rebellion against God in Ezekial and Isaiah. (Eze 28, Isa 14)
• The first chapter of Job, describing that Job's story is about much more than Job’s faithfulness (Job 1.)
• Elisha remaining calm when faced with the vast Syrian army and his knowledge of the Lord’s unseen helpers as he responds “Do not fear, for those who are with us are more than those who are with them.” (2 Kin 6:15-19)
• Satan’s manipulation of David in 1 Chronicles 21:1.
• Nebuchanezzar’s witness of the fourth man in the fire. (Dan 3:24-25)
• Legion of the Gadarenes Demoniac (Matt 8:28-29, Mark 5:6-10, Luke 8:30-31)
• Satan’s manipulation of Peter (Matt 16:23)
• Satan’s petition to sift Peter like wheat (Like 22:31)
• Satan entering Judas just prior to his betrayal (John 13:27)
And the list goes on.

So many verses of these verses I have read many times yet their deeper implication of what was going on has escaped me. As my impromptu research continued, verse after verse flooded me until I finally had to accept that the physical manifestations and demonstrations of an unseen battle are no less real than the air I breathe. I can’t see that either, but there is no doubt to me that it is there.

In that moment I awoke as a soldier on the beaches of Normandy, knocked out by a fall, regaining consciousness amidst a raging battle. But unlike my paratrooper likeness, I have never been to boot camp. I have not learned anything about how to fight in this or any other war. I might as well be standing naked on that beach holding a stick, because that is how effective I am at the moment. It is a very unsettling thing to realize I have allowed myself to be blinded to the truth all around me, even within my home.


My First Week at Boot:
I began to read Ephesians every day. I began to meditate on some verses that the Lord brought to me. Ephesians 6:10 and the armor of God, Mathew 28:18-20 and our authority through Jesus, 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 regarding our weapons that are not of this world. I did this for my piece of mind. I did this to convince myself it isn’t as bad as all that and that my imagination was getting the best of me. But the Lord was putting me through boot camp in a spiritual sense starting with basic training: know where you are, know who you are, know who you are fighting, and get yourself dressed.

Donning Armor & Building Our Defenses:
As I went home on Thursday evening, May 1st I went with purpose. I felt burdened to anoint my family and pray specifically over them. I sent Lynn a message stating my intentions and was met with immediate agreement. The Lord was showing her the very same things just in different ways and in language she understood. (Isn’t it cool how he does that, too.) So, that night we called our oldest into the room and explained what we were doing. She offered the much expected raised eyebrows and innocent laughing at my expense. She thought it was weird. Silently, she probably thought I had gone off the deep end on some super-christian kool-aid. We prayed over her, anointed her and rebuked any strongholds or unclean spirits that were present. We did this for our youngest while she slept. Finally, my wife and I did this for each other. We prayed aloud and specifically for each other with no fear or hesitation. As the words came, we spoke them. It was not especially peaceful. There was no unexplainable aura of light that manifested itself. No one screamed or withered on the floor. The half-hearted expectation of something magnificent like this happening exposed that I had not fully accepted the reality around us. Somehow it was still fiction.

My next step of obedience was a lot tougher for me and very comical for those involved. I knew that I was supposed to anoint our pets. When we told our oldest this she laughed out loud asking “You’re going to rub oil on my cat?” We all laughed at my expense and I nervously said “yeah. And its weird for me too.” So I anointed the cat. The cat gave me a “kiss my butt” look and walked away. So I proceeded into our room where we are temporarily housing T’s other pet. My wife, who at this point is already in bed was covering her mouth so I wouldn’t see she was laughing at me. Her grin was so large however, that I could tell what she was doing just by looking at her.

I turned, opened the cage and prepared to anoint our snake. Yes, our snake. I stood there, Olive Oil in hand looking at this corn snake slither around and began to pray quietly.

“Lord. This is stupid! This is about the dumbest thing I have done in my adult life. You can’t be serious. What good is it going to do to rub Olive Oil on a snake.”

I got as serious as I could and anointed our snake as I prayed protection over it. And I felt as dumb as I have ever felt in my life. I completed my task and exchanged light hearted words with Lynn, who found the whole affair quite amusing. And as I walked into our living room the Lord asked me a most interesting question; “If doing the silly is what is needed to build up the walls within your home, are you willing to do the silly?” I immediately answered “yes” and understood in that moment that obedience in the face of limited or no understanding is a basic principle. There is no reason I should exact any measure of proof on the Lord before I obey his commands, regardless of how silly the actions being asked of me seem. Then he followed this thought with a very powerful principle to dwell on. He took me back to Genesis where Adam and Eve were tempted…
by a snake.

Serpent actually, but the point was made. The Lord revealed that what I was praying for was protection against ANY doorway that the enemy could and would use to gain access to our lives. He revealed to me that there was absolutely no power in the actual act of anointing anything. But there is power in physical expression and demonstration of our spirits coming into agreement with the Lord that everything we owned belongs to him. Because Jesus is our Lord, we are anointed. And because we are stewards of all that we are given, snakes and all, we are to treat all that we have as Holy anointed gifts from the Lord for use as He wishes. This didn’t seem strange at all. It actually seemed quite normal.

Lynn and I had many great and fruitful discussions in the proceeding days. We talked about many things including the revelations of the Lord from that day. At one point, under the burden of the Lord I found myself in the back yard repenting and rebuking the authorities of this world that I have granted access to my life, and asking the Lord's forgiveness for doing so. Memories of things I did as a child with no concept of the danger came to mind. Playing with Ouija boards, faking a séance, romanticizing the demonic through a steady diet of movies, haunted houses, and activities firmly grounded in the camp of the enemy were all very much part of my high school years. I slowly concluded that none of these things were real or meant anything, that demons were not real and had no real power, and that there was no lasting danger in toying with what Paul calls "rulers, authorities and principalities of this current world." But all the while my life was sank deeper into lust and sexual addictions, chemical habits, anger, bitterness, deceit, self loathing and destruction, dishonesty and a total lack of integrity, complete rejection of God and his righteousness, until prior coming to the Lord I had decended into full belief that there was nothing wrong with any of it. I found myself rebuking the spirits I had invited in to my life. These unclean entities I had brought with me into my home and were now setting their sights on my family, especially my oldest daughter. All of a sudden all the jovial and dismissive winking at spiritual warfare had vanished. I was looking with unveiled eyes at the cost of self-deception and dismissive ignorance.

Our pastor’s message on Sunday May 10th could have been a lecture on what was going on in our home. His passionate and powerful message could not have been more directly relevant to the things the Lord was revealing over the previous 6 weeks if he had followed us around. He made several points that squarely hit the nail including “God will ask you to do the unordinary or unorthodox because through this he will bring life.” Did you hear that! Through this he will bring life.

The things He is revealing cannot be fit into a single post, especially with my love for words. So I will be sharing a lot more. I will end with this for today. Our home is different. We are different. We are armed and equipped. We are not walking around blind, deaf and dumb any longer. We are standing and our defenses are up. I am not saying we are perfect or in any way have this all figured out. I am simply saying that we understand now where we are standing. We have exchanged our nakedness for brilliant armor. We have set aside our sticks for the Sword, which is the Word of God. And now, at least in our home, the enemy trembles before us. Because we now stand in the faith that we have power over him through the grace and authority of our Lord Jesus Christ!

Mighty Mason

I have a friend from high school in Colorado whom I have not seen in 15 years. We’ve kept in touch intermittently through the years with occasional emails, Christmas cards and things like that. Catherine has a beautiful family; Glen, her husband whom I’ve never met but like simply because of what I know of his character, Cooper, their youngest not quite a year old, Sydnie, their middle child, who looks so much like her mom, and Mason, their oldest son.

Mason was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia in 2005. He was able to fight through this coming out the other side in remission. What a little warrior. On December 26, 2007 the Bernard’s received news of some leukemia cells in Mason’s spinal fluid. He was diagnosed with “an isolated CNS relapse.” I have been reading updates posted on the blogs that his parents have set up.

What do you say to a parent that must go through something like that? I imagine it would be somehow different to stand by an adult battling an illness. But to stand by a child, especially your child must be difficult beyond words.

When our youngest daughter was born, her first weeks were full of uncertainty, fear, and lots of prayer. Her story if for another entry, but the shortest version is simply that there was something wrong, nobody fully understood what was wrong, and she spent 10 days in the Neo-Natal ICU. What Lynn and I went through in those two weeks was taxing beyond words emotionally and physically. In our case, it was only 10 days. Then we had answers, we had seen strong improvement and we knew exactly what was next. The experience was horrible, but it did grow us as a couple and it grew us spiritually. The major milestone we have from this experience, aside from a healthy 8 month old today, is that this was the first major event in our marriage that we walked through truly together, supporting each other, praying for and with each other, and really there for each other. I guess that should be considered a great blessing.

I think about this as I read Mighty Mason’s blog. I see the Lord working in the lives of this family through this experience. It fills my heart with hope and joy to see the mentions of prayer, the thankfulness to the Father for their sustenance, and the encouragement from like-minded people offering their prayers as well. I know the Lord will use even this to draw each of them close to Him in a deeply personal way. I know He will be glorified. There is hope and strength in this knowledge. But what do you say to a parent who must find the strength day by day to walk this out and put everything in His hands. Do you say anything at all? And if so, how can someone who has never been through what they are going through speak into their lives with any authority?
Mason has a smile that melts you. There is a deep innocence in his eyes that says “life could not be any better at this very moment.” Maybe all that can be said, is said when he smiles. I am at a loss for words.

There is tremendous hope and a positive prognosis for Mason. He will pull through this too. Eventually, this will be a spiritual milestone for this family, and serve as a mighty testimony of how the Lord provided. I truly believe this. But for today, lift this precious family up in prayer. Today, they can use it.


Father, Great Physician, mighty healer; We lift the Bernard’s to you. Place your healing hand on Mason. We stand in the faith and knowledge that if you desire, you can heal him completely. Father, you created this body. You know best how to fix it. We lift him to you father. We ask for peace and confidence in you for Mason. We pray for comfort, Father. I ask you to guide the doctor’s hand perfectly.
We lift Glenn and Catherine to you. Draw them close to you as a couple, Father. Grant them strength and unity in each other, and in you. Grant them the peace of knowing and believing you ARE in control, you have a perfect plan, and you are capable to complete this plan. We pray a hedge of protection around their marriage from any strife, stress or conflict. Be glorified through the way you love these fine people as only a perfect Father can. Give them the encouragement of knowing that people across the nation are joining together to stand in the gap alongside them, and interceding for them; people they have never met, and more than they can count.

Father we cry out to you, Jehovah Raphi. For you are mighty to save!

Juggling with Crystal

I would love for someone to explain to me, in a clear and understandable way, why keeping relationships on the right track has to be so difficult. Within our lives exists spheres of responsibility and influence. The easiest to identify are our walk with Jesus, our marriage, our kids and work. Clearly the most important is Jesus, and without that particular relationship on track, nothing else will mature as it should; in fact nothing else matters. I guess I thought that committing to this first priority would ensure that the rest of my life would simply fall in line, and why not. Aren’t we promised a prosperous life? Are we not promised life to the fullest? And if the promises are trustworthy, then why must it be a struggle to keep the rest of life on track?

I can imagine a flood of scriptures coming to mind as some read this. I can hear people tell me to focus on Jesus and things will fall in line. I can hear people tell me that as long as I try to flesh out this life in Christ, it will never be easy or seem to click. And pray. Keep praying.

Yeah, yeah. Thanks. I know and believe all those things. But today, it is as encouraging as telling a drowning man he is wet, and throwing him a rock to help out. Not that it is entirely without need to state the obvious on occasion, if only to remind ourselves that truth is always truth. But I confess I have days where the weight of the God given responsibility combined with the battle against the flesh equates to despair. It is in these days that I understand how a close brother of mine must have felt when people talked, preached and prayed at his problems and situations rather than hearing his heart about where he was. And I agree with him in that it is irritating, even demoralizing.

The problem is I have naïvely believed that simply coming to the Lord and devoting my life to him would mean that all these others areas of my life (my marriage, my kids, my job) would just work themselves out seamlessly in time. What I did not consider is how the consequence of our sin can last for a season after our repentance from it. And this should have been so obvious. God is not a genie in a bottle who springs forth to fix everything wrong in our lives because our mood has changed. God is into character change, heart change and true repentance. He has promised us a life of blessing and fulfillment. But he never promised that we would not have to patiently allow him to work out the mess we’ve made of our lives. Even writing this right now exposes how fleshly my mindset has been and how this mindset has allowed me to develop an errant set of expectations that I have placed on God.

This, I think is where the balance comes in. We continue to strive towards righteousness with all that we have. We battle the flesh that tempts us to respond to those hot buttons the way we always have. Yet now we are so uncomfortable with that decision because the spirit whispers to us how wrong this way of living is, and where it has led us. And, speaking honestly, it feels like labor to react appropriately in the many venues of our life. It’s too much. I have neglected my marriage for more years than I have nurtured it. I have allowed my kids to act in ways they shouldn’t, let things slide if you will, when I should have used those teachable moments to instruct them on the character of God. I have sought glory for myself in many careers. I have lived a life saturated with so much pride. All of these things have to be undone. The effects and consequences have to be removed. But all the while I feel as if I am about to drop and break something of precious value because I am unable to keep it all in the air.

This is what I battle today; frustration. The knowing that when Christ said “It is finished” all of these things and so many more were accomplished. And the battle to live by faith in the truth that while I may not realize the fullness of this fulfillment today, they are no less complete than the separation that Jesus offers us from our sin through the cross.

When my wife and I struggle for deeper intimacy, I am impatient. When my kids make spiritual mistakes, I am impatient. When I feel underappreciated, overlooked, passed over or threatened at work only to realize that part of me that is crying out is the need to be approved by the world, I am impatient. My heart breaks because my life is not all that Jesus wants to make of it. I yearn to walk in the fullness of the life of promise he has prepared for me.

Maybe that is the first step.

Lord, grant me the faith of knowing and believing if you can put my life together, which you have done, you can protect the areas of my life you are still at work on. Give me patience for your timing and the peace of knowing you are in control and have a perfect plan.

A Lesson in Love

Matthew 22:37-40 (NIV)
37Jesus replied: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38This is the first and greatest commandment. 39And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. 40All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.

Matthew 5:16 (NIV)
16In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.


Yesterday was my last day at Starbucks. It was a strange week leading up to Friday, my last day. Last week God taught me a lesson in love.

I have worked for Starbucks Coffee Company for two years. Starbucks is a great company. They care about their employees, and they encourage all store managers to care for the partners in their stores. Going to work for them brought certain doubts and concerns around how I would handle being faced with values that are in direct contrast to my own. It took much prayer to know that this is where God wanted me. Almost immediately after starting with Starbucks, I came face to face with the values. The manager at my training store, Rhonda, is gay as was half of her staff. And here is was. Even on my first day I had to begin to learn how to handle myself, represent my Lord, and be obedient. But what does that look like? How do I do that at work? Should I?

Well, Rhonda learned quickly through our many one to one talks that I am a family man and devoted Christ follower. Yet even when she learned how "religious" I was she didn't seem to be offended. I would later realize that the Lord was protecting this relationship even at that early stage.

Fast forward one year. I am now at my second store, and a very high profile, high volume store at that. Rhonda has just been promoted to District Manager and guess what District she gets. You go it; mine. This lady whom I had gotten to know, one whom I initially feared might be at odds with my beliefs, was now my boss. Over the next year I was blessed to see our relationship grow and deepen with a mutual respect. We accepted each other right where we were, in spite of our differences. There was no condemnation. We knew what the other believed. And this should have served as a barrier between us. But the Lord would not have it. He wanted us to trust and respect each other.

So fast forward again, our district is comprised of 10 stores. Half of our store managers are gay. Only 3 attend church. One is into Buddhism. Very quickly everyone learns who I am and what I "do on Sundays." I have the opportunity to work closely with all of them on various projects. Some are more guarded around me than others, but in hindsight I see that the Lord was faithfully protecting all of these relationships. I become pretty close to most of them. Again, there is a sense of mutual respect and acceptance that defies my expectations.

Then there is the staff of 25 people at my store. Over the year that I am at this store I bear witness to the Lord bringing 6 professing Christ-followers into my staff at various stages of their walks ranging from new believers to youth counselors and a senior pastor. AT A STARBUCKS! I hired only two of them. My assistant manager made the independent decision to hire the rest. We bond as a team and I see before my eyes a camaraderie and cohesiveness overtake our entire staff. That team is amazing. Our customers take notice and ask on a regular basis what has changed. The Lord was at work. Within his hands our store is safe. We can be real with each other.

It is within my store that I feel the strongest bonds develop. My team allows me to hold them accountable for high performance expectations, and still seek my advice and encouragement on personal problems. We see each others more as equals with different levels of responsibility, than boss and staff. I begin to receive a few "seeking type" questions about my beliefs, and even a few prayer requests. Its amazing to watch and be a part of. My assistant managers watch me intently. Our conversations drift further and further into the concept of appropriately loving on everyone WE SERVE. They begin to act as servant leaders themselves, and the staff responds to them in a similar way that they respond to me. And none of this happens by any specific intent or agenda on my part. The Lord was leading us. He was in control.

So, when my last day finally arrived, I was a bit more saddened than I expected. In the past when it came to work, I have never been accused of being "gushy." So when I walked into my store and saw a dozen balloons that said "You will be missed", a card signed by the staff, the entire staff smiling mischievously, I have to admit it got to me.

The shift runs flawlessly. Customers take time to bid me farewell and to ask me to keep in touch. One told me to call her so we could go to happy hour. I didn't have to heart to tell her I don't really drink, and being married I was uncomfortable with the invitation. I understood the gesture, and that was enough. My employees take extra time to stay late, come in early, and come by even though they were off, just to say good bye. It was hugs all around. I was humbled and emotionally touched. On my way home I get phone calls from some of my peer managers. In one particular call, she wanted to reach out and let me know what our friendship has meant to her. Her call really meant a lot to me. (She's gay, too.)

I have spent my time since yesterday reflecting on the last two years. I have spent extra time thinking about the outpouring of gratitude and affection offered by my boss, my peers and my staff. It was so unexpected and so humbling. I have never left a job that hurt so bad to leave. In these moments God has spoken to me. He has shown me in a deeply personal way what he has been doing with this time. He's been showing me how to love on people; all people. He's been showing me how powerful that is and what it means to others.

Which brings me to my deepest revelation. I took this job expecting to be at odds with "gay people." I expected that there would be friction. I expected them to hate me, though I did not hate them. Honestly, though I didn't realize it at the time I had a pious and judgmental opinion that a Christ-follower and a gay person could never work closely together without there being conflict. I even had this attitude about most non-Christians, though I would never have believed it.

The Lord has been showing me how to accept PEOPLE and to love them unconditionally. Every person I have mentioned, and many more I have met and worked with knows what the scripture says about certain lifestyles. Each of them has hinted at being harmed by "Christians" or "the Church" in the past. God had me here to show them love and acceptance; something they have seen far too little of. And to my surprise, it was something I had to learn how to do. The Lord has revealed to me that loving people where they are is not the same as accepting sin present in their lives. And this should have been so clear to me. It is exactly what Jesus did for me.

Through the relationship that developed, the one he allowed and protected, God allowed me to sprinkle truth into people's lives. And I was blessed to see him begin to work in many of them. Its up to him to finish what he has started, and that is how he wanted it from the beginning.

Love: show them love. I am completely humbled at all that has happened. I am fully in awe of how the Lord works. I pray that he has found me as obedient as my weakness and little-faith has allowed. He is so much greater than my weakness and ignorance. He has taught me much.

I begin a new season at a new opportunity on Monday. I intend to take this lesson in love with me into this new assignment. I pray that he will give me the faith and courage to boldly love on people, right where they are, and serve them as he works in their lives.
*************************************************************************************
Shine On - Mercy Me

If we're to be the light
That shines for all of man
Then how can we light the way
If we don't go to them
I believe to know God's heart
Is to meet them where they are

Won't you shine on
Won't you shine on
You can shine on
Shine on

In all that's said and done
And everything you do
Just let your life glorify
The one who shines on you
I believe we worship Christ
When we show the world His light

Won't you shine on
Won't you shine on
You can shine on
Shine on

I'm It.

Thanks to The Abiding Life for the tag. This is a new one for me so blame him if I mess this up. (Love ya, bro.)

Rules:
(1) Link to the person that tagged you.
(2) Post the rules on your blog.
(3) Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
(4) Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
(5) Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

Six things, quirks, or habits about myself:

1. My hair has been going gray since I was 16. I should just let it go, but since I can't stand being nearly completely gray at 34, I dye my hair in a weak attempt to look my age.

2. I am lazy with my hair. I get about 3 haircuts a year and I wait way too long to re-dye my hair, meaning that everyone knows I dye my hair. Which defeats the purpose I guess...

3. I suffer from Procrastinate ADD. This means that many things bug me when they are not perfect, but I am too apathetic to do anything about them. I'm pretty sure this is the very definition of insanity.

4. I once had such a bad case of athlete's foot, it took 18 months to get rid of it. I know that is gross, but it was amazing to see that stuff stick around through 18 months of constant treatment. I should have gone to the doctor.

5. I hate doctors.

6. I am very picky about the texture of food. I hate tomatoes, but love nearly everything made with tomatoes including salsa and pico; I hate avacados, but I love guacamole.

My six random tags are:
Ross and Tanya Black

Soozan

Carson Leith

Jonathon Bunch

Travis Hensley

Elsbeth Gaunnac

Sorry folks, I had to pick someone.

Filing Bankruptcy

Recently, a very good friend and I (Considerations) has begun discipling a young brother who has very recently returned to the Lord and given his life to Jesus. We meet weekly to discuss scripture and help him establish the fundamental and foundational habits and disciplines that will serve him for the rest of his natural life.

In our most recent discussion, he asked how grace works. Now, if anyone can fully explain the mystery of grace in a way that truly does justice to the miracle that takes place, then I would like to hear it. Because I can be assured it will be a better explanation that the ones I came up with.

At any rate, while we were talking a word picture did come to mind that stuck with me. We can all get our minds around the concepts of justice, debts, and in this economy, creditors. These principles come together to give us a sort of picture of what happens to our sin through the Grace of the cross.

In Romans 6:23, Paul says that the wages of sin is death.

Well, what is a wage?
Dictionary.com defines it this way. (Italics mine.)
noun
1. Often, wages. money that is paid or received for work or services, as by the hour, day, or week.
2. Usually, wages. Economics. the share of the products of industry received by labor for its work (as distinct from the share going to capital).
3. Usually, wages. (used with a singular or plural verb) recompense or return:
4. Obsolete. a pledge or security.

Implied is the concept of simply fair or just pay for work or services done. (Great, nothing new there.) So, fair compensation for our sin, in the word's of Paul is death. That's easy enough. God promises to deal fairly with us regarding our sin.

....Hold on a second. Is that what we really want? Clearly the answer is no. And this is where the miracle of grace comes in.

When Jesus went to the cross, he did so with the foreknowledge that he would bear the sum of all humanity's sin (Hebrews 2:5-9.) ALL OF IT (Romans 5:18!) So great was this burden that as he breathed his last few breathes, God in his infinite righteousness and justice turned away from his Son; indeed from himself. At that pivotal moment Jesus cried out "Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?" (My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?) (Mathew 27:46)

Christ paid it all. In his infinite wisdom, creativity and majesty the God whom we owed an eternal debt to for our rebellion provided the compensation through the blood of his Son. (When was the last time your credit card company sent one of its employees to pay your bill on your behalf?) If you can get your head fully around that concept, and what took place in this great exchange you are a far greater theologian than I.

So what. Where am I going with all this? Simply, here; it amazes me how often we try to hold on to the debt that Christ has already paid. Confession is quite simply verbally releasing the sin in our life as if we were literally passing the bill out of our hand into the hand of Jesus. We hold onto things we have done or are doing as if it had some unseen hook in our very flesh. All the while Jesus is asking us to let him have it; he's already paid it; we are square with the house once again.

And how do we do this? Simply by placing our faith in him we are released from this debt. Of course, since we have been purchased with a price, we now belong to him and must obey him. But compared to the thought of paying my own debt, I will gladly yoke myself to Jesus and willingly become his indentured servant.

What in your life is holding you back? What do you still have your hand on in your past that haunts you? What awful price do you dread may return to destroy you? What are you still trying to pay yourself?

Brothers and sisters: Rejoice for this is the day the Lord has made! Take a moment to wonder on God's economics. Let Jesus pick up the tab today.