Juggling with Crystal

I would love for someone to explain to me, in a clear and understandable way, why keeping relationships on the right track has to be so difficult. Within our lives exists spheres of responsibility and influence. The easiest to identify are our walk with Jesus, our marriage, our kids and work. Clearly the most important is Jesus, and without that particular relationship on track, nothing else will mature as it should; in fact nothing else matters. I guess I thought that committing to this first priority would ensure that the rest of my life would simply fall in line, and why not. Aren’t we promised a prosperous life? Are we not promised life to the fullest? And if the promises are trustworthy, then why must it be a struggle to keep the rest of life on track?

I can imagine a flood of scriptures coming to mind as some read this. I can hear people tell me to focus on Jesus and things will fall in line. I can hear people tell me that as long as I try to flesh out this life in Christ, it will never be easy or seem to click. And pray. Keep praying.

Yeah, yeah. Thanks. I know and believe all those things. But today, it is as encouraging as telling a drowning man he is wet, and throwing him a rock to help out. Not that it is entirely without need to state the obvious on occasion, if only to remind ourselves that truth is always truth. But I confess I have days where the weight of the God given responsibility combined with the battle against the flesh equates to despair. It is in these days that I understand how a close brother of mine must have felt when people talked, preached and prayed at his problems and situations rather than hearing his heart about where he was. And I agree with him in that it is irritating, even demoralizing.

The problem is I have naïvely believed that simply coming to the Lord and devoting my life to him would mean that all these others areas of my life (my marriage, my kids, my job) would just work themselves out seamlessly in time. What I did not consider is how the consequence of our sin can last for a season after our repentance from it. And this should have been so obvious. God is not a genie in a bottle who springs forth to fix everything wrong in our lives because our mood has changed. God is into character change, heart change and true repentance. He has promised us a life of blessing and fulfillment. But he never promised that we would not have to patiently allow him to work out the mess we’ve made of our lives. Even writing this right now exposes how fleshly my mindset has been and how this mindset has allowed me to develop an errant set of expectations that I have placed on God.

This, I think is where the balance comes in. We continue to strive towards righteousness with all that we have. We battle the flesh that tempts us to respond to those hot buttons the way we always have. Yet now we are so uncomfortable with that decision because the spirit whispers to us how wrong this way of living is, and where it has led us. And, speaking honestly, it feels like labor to react appropriately in the many venues of our life. It’s too much. I have neglected my marriage for more years than I have nurtured it. I have allowed my kids to act in ways they shouldn’t, let things slide if you will, when I should have used those teachable moments to instruct them on the character of God. I have sought glory for myself in many careers. I have lived a life saturated with so much pride. All of these things have to be undone. The effects and consequences have to be removed. But all the while I feel as if I am about to drop and break something of precious value because I am unable to keep it all in the air.

This is what I battle today; frustration. The knowing that when Christ said “It is finished” all of these things and so many more were accomplished. And the battle to live by faith in the truth that while I may not realize the fullness of this fulfillment today, they are no less complete than the separation that Jesus offers us from our sin through the cross.

When my wife and I struggle for deeper intimacy, I am impatient. When my kids make spiritual mistakes, I am impatient. When I feel underappreciated, overlooked, passed over or threatened at work only to realize that part of me that is crying out is the need to be approved by the world, I am impatient. My heart breaks because my life is not all that Jesus wants to make of it. I yearn to walk in the fullness of the life of promise he has prepared for me.

Maybe that is the first step.

Lord, grant me the faith of knowing and believing if you can put my life together, which you have done, you can protect the areas of my life you are still at work on. Give me patience for your timing and the peace of knowing you are in control and have a perfect plan.