This is the Life that Mike Built

This is where I come from. This is the life that Mike built. A man talking in incoherant circles, seeing his daughter through the fog of bong smoke. Her beautiful blue eyes look up at him with absolute acceptance, seeking his guidence and unconditional love. With an unsteady hand I hug that precious, beautiful child. Too many lines, too little sleep. Even then her beauty was inescapeable. Had I not been so committed to my own destruction, I may have appreciated it more.

There was a time not so far off where I took great pride in my body's ability to withstand such excess. At one point, it was like a game. I wanted to see if I could set a new "personal record." I spent years with barely a day going by where I was not consuming some sort of drug. Meth, LSD, Mushrooms, Pot. I drew the line at cocaine and heroine because I didn't want to "go too far." And I had other addictions, too. But that is another story. Other than my wife, very few know exactly how far I went with my attempts to flee from things I didn't want to face. I only write about it now to glorify the father, who even in that time of suicidal self destruction, held back the consequence of my sin that I might come to him and find his purpose for my life. If this is not shocking and disturbing enough, know that I had a child for 3 years of this time.

I once heard that children are blank tablets and that our job as parents is to write on their hearts those things that will teach and serve them through this thing called life. By the grace of God, the things I have written on my daughter have run and are now indistiguishable. By the tears of Jesus, he has washed away the life and legacy of pain and bondage that I would have given to her. As is always the case, there is more to the story than the picture above. But the "who's and why's" are so much less important than what I did with the independance I so defiantly insisted on having. Jesus said whoever would save his life will lose it, and whoever would lose his life for my sake will find it. I live today as a testimony of what he was saying.

This is where I am.


Let no man tell me God is lacking in grace and mercy. Last year he blessed me with the gift of baptizing my daughter. Tears sting my eyes when I look at the contrast of these two photos. Let all who grieve know the sweet hand of the father who reaches out to those in pain, offering peace, love and mercy.

And this is where we are going.
We welcome Mackenzie Ellise.