I don't hate you. I don't even dislike you. I never have. You frustrate me sometimes, because you try so hard to insult by bashing my Lord. You work so hard to make this personal between you and me. It's not about you and me. It never was.
Its about conviction. Its about the brokeness that looms over your heart. Its about that void in the center of who you are that can't be filled with those things you've shoved into it up until now. It's about coming to terms with what you know is true about God. He loves you. He desires you. He wants to restore you to the beautiful crature he created you to be. He patiently awaits the day when, through acceptance of his Son, he enters into your heart and fills that void with the only thing that was ever meant to be there; Jesus.
I pray for you; genuinely, and earnestly. And I will not stop praying for you. All I have ever done was extend my hand in friendship to you. You reject it. That is ok. But I will still pray for you. I will still stand in the gap for you and wait expectanly for the day when I call you sister. You won't understand it, but I love you. Simply because Christ never turned his back on me, I will never turn my back on you. Simply because he loved me when I did not understand or want his love, I will love you in the same way though you don't understand or want mine. So with the love of Jesus, I pray for you. I I will continue to do so.
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This was written by someone I worked with. I copied this from her MySpace blog. I guess in some ways she fully understands me, yet she settles on all the wrong conclusions about my motives.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
God's Instrument
He woke to the familiar bleating of his alarm clock, trying to shake the cobwebs of sleep. He always woke up feeling empty, despite the nightly prayers. he prayed every night, that's what makes a good Christian, right? He did everything he should, in fact. He went to church each and every Sunday, as well as a few times during the week so that no one could question his belief and devotion. And no one ever did, so far as he could tell. At least no one who mattered, no one from his church, of course! How could they? He helped out where he should, and even put in extra hours at the local Christian store. That way they were certain to know how deep his devotion was. It was only when he donned his apron each and every morning for his work at the coffee house that he heard the murmurs. He knew they didn't really like him and sometimes he doubted if they respected him. But he was their manager, a position that commands respect of everyone, so he knew deep down that it was there. How could they not respect him for having made it this far? He knew it was a goal for all of them, even though they said otherwise. He saw their looks of contempt and heard the angry whispers and knew it was just their jealousy taking over. They weren't good Christians, not like him.
None of them ever went to church, not even on Christmas. A few of them even admitted to being witches and when they did so, he knew why the Lord had placed him in a position of power at this location. One of them had worked spells over the rest of the crew and the customers, he was certain of it. For how else could anyone befriend and respect such demon spawn? She often told blasphemous jokes and stories and got the others to participate with her. The others weren't bad, they were just being misled, he knew. He would find a way to break her hold upon them and lead them once more into the light. He was a good Christian, there could be no other option.
He tried again and again to impress them with everything he knew, no one knows more than the manager. He came up with all sorts of new ideas for the store, which were met with arguments and disdain. But he knew that it was envy, for they were sinners. It seemed like not a day went by without him bearing witness to at least one of the even deadly sins. Some days there were even multiple ones. He vowed to not give up his mission though! If anything, he became more determined.
The Demon Spawn continued to elude him. He tried to be her friend, but she saw through the ruse. He didn't know how she'd done it, he'd acted his most sincere and that had always worked in the past. So he decided to just bide his time, knowing that God would show him the way soon.
Finally the Lord delivered his chance to him. The Demon Spawn entered the store with blatant blasphemy on her shirt and he knew he had been right about her. This was what he had been waiting for all this time. Finally he could once again prove himself to God with how good and righteous he was.
He smirked to himself at his cleverness, knowing he had triumphed above evil. She tried to trick him with tears, but something as simple as tears cannot fool one sent by God. He knew that the looks of sadness and contempt from the other employees were because they didn't understand. How could they? An instrument of God is incomprehensible to those who do not have him in their hearts. He knew they would soon see the light and come to thank him in time.
And yet, after he said his prayers and then lie down in the dark at night he could still feel the emptiness creeping in. Tomorrow he'd just have to pray longer, for he knew he was God's chosen instrument. With everything he did no one could doubt it, and if they did, well, he knew it was just envy.
In Him was life and the life was the light of men. And the light shines in the darkness and the darkness did not (and cannot) comprehend it.
John 1:4,5
Oh my goodness. What happened in this situation? Did you show her the compassion of Christ? It looks like she really tried to offend you. Did you show her the unconditional love of Jesus? Because when we turn the other cheek, we show God's true agape love. It has been awhile since you wrote this. How exciting it must be for you to have such an obvious calling to minister in your life. If she has not come to Christ yet, keep at it. I know that with the persistent unconditional love of Jesus, you won't fail.
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